The flop is
when there is that first exchange of information—someone files a Petition and
the other person files an Answer.
Since every
marriage is a little different, how shocking the debts and assets information
is depends on how involved both parties were in the family finances. If you both already have a handle on where
you stand financially, this is just another stepping stone on the path to
divorce. If only one party handled the
finances, this could be a huge stress inducer or reliever—depending on what the
cards reveal.
Maybe you
didn’t know your house was underwater or that your spouse had cleaned out your
savings. Maybe you didn’t realize just
how much she had built up her retirement accounts. This is a great time to step back, absorb the
new information and consider your options.
You may be
convinced your spouse is hiding assets—especially if they are self-employed or
your bank accounts are much smaller than you had expected. Keep in mind that it can cost a lot of money
to bring in a forensic accountant and investigate for hidden assets. If you
know your spouse was underreporting income and you signed off on the joint tax
returns…are you sure that’s something you want to bring up in front of a judge? Your attorney can help you get a sense of
what your options are and what you could reasonably prove in court.
This is also
when you may first learn how your spouse feels you should share custody of the
children. There may be claims of
physical or mental abuse, addiction issues, and mental health concerns. Even when true, these allegations can be
devastating to hear coming from someone you love or used to love. Try to remember that if your spouse is
represented, a lot of that language is (unfortunately) the attorney posturing
and playing the slow-to-evolve divorce dance.
Frankly, the
older and crustier the attorney, the more likely you are to get an expensive,
old-school, high-noon shootout. Newer
attorneys tend to understand that mediation and putting the children first is
the way to go. Of course, since
attorneys don’t really trust other attorneys, even two peaceful attorneys are
hesitant to bring a bouquet of flowers to a gun fight. Hopefully they will at least leave the safety
on until they can determine the other side’s intentions—and always carry a
knife in their boot just in case.
Pin It
