Choosing the right guardians for your children

Choosing someone to raise your children in your place can be a gut wrenching decision.  No one can raise your children exactly as you would.  There is no perfect choice.  The best choice today may not be the best choice in ten years.  Do not allow the fact that there is no perfect choice prevent you from making a “best-under-the-circumstances” choice.  Your choice—based on your love for your children and understanding of their needs and personality—is still better than the court’s choice.  Don’t forget, you can always make changes to your will as your situation changes.

Once you have narrowed down your choices, you should speak with each of the individuals/couples to see if they would be willing to take on this responsibility in the remote chance that both parents pass away while your children are minors.  You should have at least two alternates in case your first choice is unable or unwilling to look after your children.

Special Note for Single Parents:  In all likelihood, your child’s other parent will get custody should you pass away.  It is extremely difficult to deny custody to the still-living parent.  However, you should still name a guardian as your child’s other parent may predecease you. 

If you do not have an obvious choice or you and your partner can’t agree on who should be named guardian, then consider making a list of the traits that are important to you and then rating them on a scale of 1-5 based on “would like” vs. “must have”.  Each parent should do this exercise separately.  Once you know which traits are most important to each of you, you can better compare the strengths of each of your choices. 

Remember:  there is no perfect choice.  You are also not limited to one guardian for all of your children.  In some circumstances it may work best to have children go to separate guardians based on their unique needs or personality.   To help you get started, here are some traits that you may want your child’s potential guardian to have:

·         Love your children/Your children love them

·         Live in the same school district

·         Have children the same age/Don’t have children

·         Could take the family pet/They don’t have pets (allergies)

·         Family members/Not part of your immediate family

·         Older/Younger

·         Would be willing to move into your home/have space in their home

·         Can handle your child’s medical/emotional needs

·         Share your religious beliefs

·         Share your educational beliefs

·         Share your parenting style

·         Are financially stable

·         Single/married—do you want to name an individual in case the couple divorces or would either spouse be a good single parent?  Do you only want your child to go to an intact family?

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