Divorce is a lot like poker; Texas Hold ‘em to be
specific. And not only because you’re probably going to leave the room broke
and crying.
When clients come to me, they usually only have
their hole cards. Rarely are they pocket aces. Usually it’s more like a King of
hearts and an 8 of clubs. It’s actually better to not have “great” cards
because it keeps you from being overconfident that things will go your way. You
can still lose with pocket aces both in poker and in the courts.
Some lawyers will tell you that you have a winning
hand and you should go all in no matter what cards you show them. As Kenny
Rogers has wisely explained, you have to know when to hold ‘em, fold ‘em, when
to walk away and when to run. Does he ever have a good hand in that song? I don’t think he ever sings about when to raise
or go all in. Interesting. Anyway, not every hand is a hand you want to play. But
sometimes you don’t have a choice.
If your spouse decides to divorce you, you need to
play out the hand. You might be surprised that your hands are more evenly
matched than you first thought. Or you may find that folding and forfeiting the
big blind is worth not having to sit at the table with this person for one more
minute. When dividing up the assets and debts, remember that the battle can
cost more than the reward. Determining if you “won” or “lost” depends on how you
view the situation, not on who gets the couch or the savings account.
Unfortunately, family law is rarely just about
dividing up assets and debts. You can’t just fold or refuse to even come to the
table when the future of your children is being determined. Well you can, but
then you’re probably not reading this post.
Lawyers can help improve your odds of a favorable
outcome, but they do cost money. In poker, the pot goes to the winner. In the
divorce game, it goes to the lawyers. All you get is a lousy t-shirt and all or
a share of whatever it was you deemed worthy of fighting for. If you’re only
fighting over money, basic math can help you know when to fold ‘em and walk
away. 
When you can’t agree on custody, the stakes become
much, much higher. Sometimes you’re forced to keep calling your spouse’s raises
just to stay in the game. It shouldn’t be about who has access to the most
money, but unfortunately it often is when one party has parents or grandparents
paying the legal fees. If you want to avoid retaining a lawyer immediately, this would still be a good time to make use of a paid consultation or limited scope representation. This will allow you to get some advice about your situation and the next steps, but let you hold off on coming up with a large retainer until you decide what you are going to do. I offer both a one-time paid in-person consultation and a monthly unlimited email contact plan that might be of use to people still on the fence about hiring an attorney or those who are still in the early stages and just have a few questions.
The best (and worst) thing about this stage is that
the odds can change dramatically with the flip of a few cards with minimal
betting from either side.
Stay tuned for The Flop
